The Past Haunts
by BlackDove13
Summary: When Donna is shot, and Opie spirals toward the edge, Piney calls in a favor, bringing back a blast from their past. Jillian Stewart comes back to Charming with a secret that will change everything, and a love that refused to die. Can they work past the hurt and betrayal or is the future set in stone? ( interracial relationship)
1. Chapter 1

The Past Haunts

By Dove

Playlist

Elastic Heart: Sia

Ur a Fever: The Kills

A/n: Ever wonder what happened when Mary took Opie away when he was sixteen? Let me give you a hint, a hell of a lot. *winks. This is my first foray into the world, so let's see if I can do it justice. I decided I wanted to do this in first person. It wasn't flowing the way I wanted, so I revamped.

When you truly love someone, you only want what's best for them. Even if that something doesn't include you. Even if it costs you everything. I guess that's where we both went wrong. ~Jillian Stewart

Chapter one

I unbind my hair from its high ponytail and sigh in relief. It feels good to relax. I massage my scalp, hoping this will help obliterate the headache building in my frontal lobe. I just pulled a double at the bar, and all I can think about is my Tempurpedic bed and lavender-scented sheets. _Jesus, you know you have no life when sleep gives you a lady hard on._ I sweep my gaze over the area looking for signs of Leo. _Please, Lord, do not let tonight be one of those times he forgets how crazy his mother truly is, and I have to track him down._ No child is a saint, but he's been hell on wheels since he hit sixteen. Best I can figure, the cause is a combination of testosterone and genes. _Maybe if he had a decent male role model, things would be different._ The continuous war in my head rages on as I mentally berate myself. Guilt sits on my chest like an anvil, slowly suffocating me a little more every day.

I pause in the kitchen, grab the counter, and close my eyes. Momentarily, the pressure of the weight on my shoulders threatens to fell me. I taught him everything I possibly could. He's more than book smart. He's street smart, looks at the big picture, and as far as teens go, he's pretty damn responsible. I've done my best, but no amount of wishful thinking is going to enable me to show him how to be a man. Meeting up with Piney and keeping in constant contact helps, but it's not enough to replace a father figure. _Fuck this; he made his choice, and I made mine accordingly._

The show of weakness pisses me off. I let the emotion become my fuel, and push away from the counter. I have no time for this. I need to get to bed so I can drag my ass out of bed and spend some quality time with my kid. It's not every day I get an entire weekend off. I plan on making the most of it. My feet throb, and my lower back screams bloody murder as I pad down the hallway. I'm exhausted, but rest isn't in my future yet. I inhale, hold the breath in my lungs, and exhale slowly. I made my bed, and I've been lying in it for years.

Two more years, and I come clean and let Leo decide what his next move will be. This pity party won't get me anywhere. I can't afford to get lost in a depression. It's a slippery slope. If I let it go too far I start digging a hole I can't get easily get out of. I slow as I come up to Leo's room. The door is cracked. I push it open and spot a few of his auburn curls peeking out from his black comforter. _That's my boy._ I creep back out the way I came, soundlessly. Pride swells in my chest. He told me he'd be back in by midnight, and he kept with our agreement. We were on a rocky road this year. I understand he's a teenage boy trying to decide what type of man he'd like to be, but I expect him to return the respect I dole out, and realize his Mother is Jillian Stewart, and she don't play.

I purposely built our relationship on trust, respect, loyalty, and honesty Maybe it was a subconscious grooming for the heritage I know will eventually catch up with him. I pray when it reaches him, he won't be swallowed whole because his roots will be buried too deep. I enter my room and shed my clothes, feeling like I'm escaping a prison. The black pencil skirt and corset get up are good for tips, but not comfort. I ditch the fuck me pumps the minute I hit the door. I'm lucky I get to cover so much. Not all strip clubs are this cool. I pitch the articles of clothing into my hamper and walk into my bathroom eager to rinse off the smell of lust, desperation, and alcohol.

I'd kill for a bath, but I don't have enough energy. Cranking the dial toward hot, I place my hair up in a loose bun and step into the stall. Grabbing my homemade soap, I inhale the scent of roses and lather my washcloth. I splurge on my bath supplies. They little luxury gives me self-care on the go and reminds me that I'm a woman and not a machine. I've given up many things to care for Leo.

I never imagined I'd end up like this, old before my time. I'm only thirty-three, but I feel about fifty most days. I wash away the grime off the day, let the water soothe away my tension and hop out. Towel drying off, I walk to my dresser, and reach into the back of my top drawer. I need happiness and memories of a better time. The white t-shirt is threadbare. The faded Support your local Sons of Anarchy is faded so badly you can barely read it. It lost his scent years ago, but I can still remember it distinctively. I slip the shirt over my head and slip beneath my wildflower covered comforter and crisp white linen sheets. My bedroom is my sanctuary. The scent of lavender rises from my pillow and wraps its arms around me, a welcome lover. The only one I've had consistently in I can't remember how long.

I think of the time when I was young free and fearless, and allow the darkness to take me.

A persistent buzz tugs the blanket of sleep from me. _Bee?_ I pry open my heavy lids and realize it's my cell phone. _Who in the fuck?_ I reach out and pat the dresser capturing the annoyance, I pull into my warm nest of bedding and place it to my ear.

"Hello," I rasp.

"Opie's in a bad way. I think it's time you reveal your secret."

"What? Piney?" I rub my eyes as I try to wake

"Wake up, girl. Op's about to go off the deep end." He grouches.

"Piney." I sigh. I know shit with him and Donna has been less than perfect. How could it not be after he spent five years away? Not that she ever had a real love for Samcro. "That's why he has Donna," I say patiently. He can be mule-headed when he gets his mind on something. "If he won't listen to her, there's nothing I could say to make him stop."

"Donna's gone," Piney says. His voice shakes. I'm stunned by the emotions bleeding over the phone.

"So tell her to come back from wherever she went early. You know her, she tantrums, cools down and comes back. It's how she deals with shit. Not perfect, but who is?" I growl, angry that I'm losing out on my sleep to play marriage counselor.

"She's Dead, Jill."

The words are a slap in the face. I sit up in bed, instantly alert. "When?"

"A couple weeks ago," Piney says. He's somber and saddened.

"How?" Nothing is ever simple with them, and she was too young for it to be natural.

"Drive-by."

"Jesus Christ, Piney. You didn't think to tell me this shit before now?"

"I know I know. Shit's been insane. You know how it is. Bottom line, my boy ain't dealing with it well. He's shutting everyone out, including the kids. He needs a wake-up call. You never took his shit, Jill."

"It's been years, Piney," I whisper. There's no telling how the man will react to seeing me again. Add the secret I've been keeping, and it's a recipe for a cluster fuck that would only make the situation worse.

"Don't matter. I know you're the one for this job. Pack your shit and get your ass out here. I kept your secret, helped you out when you needed it, now it's time you return the favor."

I massage my temple. The old bastard is right. I owe him. He did me a solid and had my back. I can do nothing other than be there for him.

"Okay, just— keep him in one place. Once he hits the road, we'll never find him until he wants to be found."

"Good girl. Call me when you get into town," Piney says.

"Will do."

"You think." Piney pauses. "You think Leo's ready for this?" he asks.

"He's been ready his entire life. I'm the villain in our story, Pop. I took it on me. I didn't want him hating Opie when the call was all mine," I say honestly.

"You're too hard on yourself girl," Piney scolds.

I love the grizzly old man. He's been my pseudo father since mine wrote me off and tossed me to the wayside. Good, Christian girls didn't get knocked up and become single mothers and they sure as hell didn't do it with some _trashy white boy._ They hated Opie from the minute they met him and swore up and down he would cause me nothing but a heart attack.

The pregnancy only gave them the chance to say _I told you so_. When they offered to help me only if I gave the baby up for adoption, followed their rules and enrolled in college for a major of their choice, I balked. We hadn't talked since. Navigating life as a single mother wasn't a cake walk, by any means. But it was life on my own terms. From the minute I found out about Leo I loved him with a single-minded fierceness that allowed me to do whatever it took to care for him.

I went to Piney, knowing Mary wouldn't be a help. She had no love for her son after he returned to Charming. Piney called in favors, got me a steady job, a place to stay, and made sure I had someone close by to call if I ever needed help. If it wasn't for him, I would've given birth to my boy alone. I laugh thinking of the mountain of a man holding my hand and feeding me ice chips. That shit bonded us for life. There isn't much I wouldn't do for hi.

"I'll pack light and get us on the road," I promise.

"See you soon, Jilly."

He hung up, and I know my past has finally caught up with me.

 _ **2000**_

I clutch the notebooks to my chest as I walk down the hallway. High school wasn't always kind to the studious, non-popular girls who didn't fit the standard of beauty. I never cared much about popularity, but I'd had my niche of friends back in my hometown. We relocated over the summer, and I'm starting over in my junior year. I hate my parents for that. I shift the notebooks as I fiddle with the sheet of paper that holds the school's layout. A wall appears and I crash into it. My things hit the ground, and I feel myself following. A vice like grip locks onto my arms. I'm pulled up.

"Whoa. You okay, girl?" A gruff voice asks.

I glance up, dazed, and fall into a pool of kind hazel-colored eyes.

"I –uh, yeah. I'm so sorry, this is my first day, and I was trying to find my way around," I say apologizing to the boy looming over me.

"Oh yeah? Mine too. We can be lost together. I'm Opie."

He's massive, but there's something about him that sets me at ease. _A gentle giant._

"Hi, Opie. I'm Jillian, but everyone calls me Jill."

"Ahh, you got the nickname thing going too. My real name's Harry, but it never gets used unless I'm in deep shit."

I snicker. "Same."

"Let me help you. I thought the school would be shit here. Suddenly things aren't looking too bad."

My face heats up, and I focus on picking up the scattered things.

It was the start of a strong friendship that would quickly turn to more.


	2. Chapter 2

Playlist

( Don't Fear) The Reaper: Blue Oyster Cult

Secrets: One Republic

The Unforgiven: Metallica

Cruel World: Lana Del Rey

In this life, you do what you have to, and worry about the heart break later. ~ Jillian Stewart

Chapter Two

Jillian

"Mom, where are we going?" Leo croaks. His voice is heavy with sleep, and he's using a whiny tone that reminds me of him as a boy. These days it's hard to recall when he was so small. His voice is deep, and he passed me in height two years ago. His eyelids are droopy, and his hazel-colored eyes are glassy and unfocused. I smile sadly. This is the last time he will ever be this innocent. His long legs dangle off the end of the bed as he blinks, struggling to focus as he watches me stuff his duffle bag.

"You've been after me for years about meeting your father. The time's come," I whisper.

"Is it… safe?" Leo asks.

I glance up and meet his intense stare. His eyes are full of awe, and the sleepy boy is gone. I want to lie to him and say yes, keep him close and protect him the way a good mother should. _I did that for as long as I could. Time to pay the piper._

"That's the thing, Leo. It's never safe. There are periods of peace that eventually end. Once we let the cat out of the bag, you'll be a part of this life forever. I didn't want that for you." His eyes widen. I'm laying it on thick. I want to impress upon him just how serious this shit is. As much as I talk about it, he won't be able to wrap his head around the reality until we're both in too deep to ever get out. I whisked him away and kept his birth from Opie because I wanted Leo to be safe. It's been my cross to carry all this time.

"So why now?" Leo says.

"Cause Piney asked us to come." I close the bag. _I owe Pop this._ I'm terrified. Part of me wants to pack up, take Leo, and move on to the next town.

"Pa wants us to come there?" Leo asks. His face lights up. I can't help but smile. I love the connection the two share. A perfect combination of me and Opie, Leo is six foot one with the same hazel eyes of his father, dark red hair, and skin the color of coffee with a few dashes of cream. To his credit, Opie never saw my skin color. He only saw me. He told me so on a number of occasions. It was one of the reasons I hesitated to get involved with him initially. Interracial dating didn't always go over well, especially in small towns. People stared, whispered, and talked shit. I smirk, remembering Op's solution. He showed him why it was better for their health if they didn't mind their own business. It was the first time someone had made me their top priority. I came from parents who put their career first, expected nothing less than perfection, and consistently made me feel unworthy, so Op's treatment was a revelation. He showed me what being accepted felt like.

"He thinks it's time, and I agree. We're going to be walking into drama. I'll be honest. I can't say how everyone is going to take it." We run on realness. I can't change it up now because I have to face my demons. It wouldn't be fair, and I could lose him. That's one thing I refuse to do. He needs to know he has a safe place to come no matter what happens. I'll always have my baby boy's back.

My anxiety spikes. We're leaving behind our anonymity. The days of safe, ordinary, everyday life will be exchanged for one fraught with danger. _Am I doing the right thing?_ Doubt assails me. _Maybe I should grab him, cut ties with Piney and never look back. Wouldn't that be saner?_

"Mom?"

I turn to see my son and recognize the joy and excitement on his face. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm working on things right now."

"I know you never wanted this life for me, Mom. But it's my right to choose. I can't do that unless I experience it for myself," he says.

With his brows drawn, and the corners of his lip turned down he's the spitting image of his father. It guts me.

"I know, but it's never easy to let your children grow up and go out into the world. For me, it's multiplied by a million.

"Don't worry about me, Leo, I'm like a cat. I land on my feet. All I want is a promise that you'll be patient with your mother, okay? Your world is about to open up in ways I can't fully explain. It's going to take serious adjustment on my part."

"I can do that," he says with a grin.

"Good, now go pack your essentials quickly , so we can get on the road. You'll find none of the Sons are very patient men."

He hops up from the bed and rushes from the room. I bite my bottom lip, wishing I had a quarter of his enthusiasm. This is my version of hell on earth. Coming back to the man who broke me, taken all I had to give, and walked away unscathed. My stomach churns like the choppy ocean during a storm. _What if I make him worse?_ I heft the bag over my shoulder and move to load the car. One way or another all my secrets are going to be laid out for everyone to see. I will weather the consequences, knowing I've done my duty. The club came first the way it needed to, and Leo remained safe. In the end, that's all that mattered.

Fifteen minutes later, we're on the road. The rising sun is turning the sky into a patchwork of orange, purple, and pink. It should be breathtaking against the desert background of Nevada, but I can't concentrate.

"You're quiet, Mom," Leo observes.

"I'm about as nervous as you are excited. Besides, some of us didn't get a full eight hours," I tease, trying to lighten the sullen mood.

"I'm sure Dad will understand. I mean, you tell me it's all about family. He must see it the same way." He's fishing for confirmation I wish I could give it to him. The truth is; I don't know the man Opie had grown to be.

"I sure hope so, Le," I say.

"We'll make him see," he says.

 _Yeah, you don't make that man do anything. It's a wonder they didn't name him Mule._ The tires eat up the road, and morning gives way to day. We stop to gas up and use the facilities only as I revert to my road warrior days. The sooner we get this done. The quicker I can rediscover normal. The _Welcome to Charming_ sign mocks me as I dial Piney.

"You here?" Piney rasps.

"Just passed the welcome sign," I say

"Meet me at the diner," Piney says. The light wheeze he has concerns me. He's not taking care of himself the way he should. I want to read him the riot act. I know better, though. Far be it for me to try to talk some common sense into the stubborn Son. He lives on his terms. I can't fault him for that. Hell, I always admired him for it.

"You got it Pops." I disconnect and drive the familiar streets. It's bittersweet being back in the place I called home for such a brief time. Pain explodes in my chest. I hadn't been good enough. What was the saying, always a bridesmaid never a bride, only in my case, always a runner-up, never first place? I park outside of the small building, and we make their way inside.

"Wow, blast from the past, much?" Leo snorts. I take in the shiny chrome counter, old-fashioned red and white vinyl booths, and aquamarine waitressing outfits. It's cute in a very Charming way. They like to keep things simple and small here.

"Hey, this place used to have killer food. Let's see if it's held up." I take a seat in the booth in the back. My head is full of white static as I go through the motions of ordering and making small talk while we wait for Piney. Millions of thoughts run through my mind. The bell above the door jingles. I look up and see the old man lumbering through the entrance. He nods and heads for us. He sinks onto the bench across from us and grins.

"If you two ain't a sight for sore eyes," Piney says.

"Hey Pa, how you doing?" Leo asks.

"I'm still kicking, boy. How are you, Jilly?"

"I'm here, Pops." I shrug. "How do you want to play this?"

"We don't need an audience; that's for damn sure. Told him tonight to go up to the cabin and clear his head. Said I'd watch over the kids for a day or two. He's had them with Mary." Piney's face twists in disgust. "You believe that shit?"

I wince recalling Mary's less than stellar parenting skills. "No, I can't."

"My grandma?" Leo asks. The admiration in his voice is undeserved.

"Unfortunately son," Piney grumbles making me laugh. _Some things never change._

"Boy doesn't know what a pit of snakes he'll be dealing with when it comes to that one," Piney says.

"He'll learn,"I say confidently. "You want us to head up to the cabin after this?"

"I think we might need back up," Piney says.

"Jesus, you think he's going to lose his shit, don't you?" I ask.

"Yeah, at least initially. That's why I want to bring Jax in on it."

"Piney—"

"It's a solid plan, and you know it," Piney says.

"Jax, as in my Dad's best friend?" Leo asks.

"There's only one Jax Teller. Thank God. The world couldn't handle anymore," I mumble.

Piney chuckles. "Glad you agree, he should be here any minute."

 _Meddling old bastard._

The bell above the door jingles once more, and the blonde haired, blue-eyed man strolls into the diner. He searches the area and goes as still as a statue.

"Jilly Bean?" He arches a Nordic brow and glances at my son. "Jesus Christ, what did you do?"

"What I had to," I say, lifting my chin.


	3. Chapter 3

Playlist

Chapter Three

Uma Thurman: Fall Out Boy

Fourth of July: Fall Out Boy

Sweet Nothings: Florence and the Machine

Anything Could Happen: Ellie Goulding

"Then I'll be the crazy bitch that brings him back," ~ Jillian

Chapter Three

Jillian

"What you had to do? What the fuck does that mean?" Jax barks. His cheeks turn red, and his chest heaves beneath his kutte. It takes everything in me not to shrink away. His eyes have that crazy glow. He's on the edge and close to exploding. I know he wants to come across the table on me, but he's never been one for hitting a woman. Gemma taught him right in that respect. I worry the hem of my tank top with my fingers, and force myself to hold his gaze, and show no fear.

"Not in front of Leo," I say.

"Jesus Christ, Piney. You knew this entire time. It's the last thing we need right now," Jax says, turning his focus to the old man.

"No, she is exactly what my son needs right now. This is a family issue, not a club issue," Piney says. His refusal to budge brings a tiny smile to my lips. _Stubborn just like his spawn._ It feels good to have him backing me. I'll need him.

"Bullshit. If your boy doesn't have his head on straight, it affects all of us," Jax spits.

"Hey, not in front of Leo," I say, slapping my hand on the table. Silence settles over the table.

"Mom?" Leo asks. The uncertainty in his voice slays me.

"I'm sorry kid. This isn't about you," Jax says visibly settling. He offers up the Teller smile. "I don't want you caught up in the middle."

"Meet your Uncle Jax. You'll learn to love him, and he you" I say, begging Jax to take his attitude down a notch with my eyes. I'll fight anyone, anytime over Leo. I don't want to start off by showing him the ugliness that comes with the club.

"You and me outside, Jilly Bean. You got a lot of explaining to do," Jax says.

 _Don't I know it?_ I drop my head and nod, unable to hold his anger filled stare any longer. I always liked Jax, seeing him ready to rip in to me is tough. He was a staunch supporter and good friend once. "Trust me, I know."

"Let's take a walk," Jax nods his head toward the exit. For a split second, I'm afraid it's a death march. The love he and Opie have for one another is brotherly. They might as well have come from the same womb. Which means my deceit is unforgivable in his eyes.

"Let me out, Leo," I say, ready to start the process of coming clean. He remains firmly planted. I smile. "It's okay. Jax was a friend. I'd like to think he still is." I place my hand on his shoulder. _I'm going to be fine._ I mouth. Leo's shoulders slump and he sigh, scooting out of the booth.

"Take your time, I'll keep an eye on him," Piney says.

Nerves settle in. My palms grow sweaty. My heart rate accelerates. It's all coming to a head, and I've had zero time to prepare. I wipe my hands on my jeans and follow him outside. The cold air hits my heated flesh, and I shiver. He remains silent as we walk until the diner is a distant memory. I've replayed this conversation a million times, but now I'm fucking tongue-tied. He slows his pace and takes a deep breath.

"You want to tell me what the fuck this is all about? One look at that kid and I know Opie's the father. So will anyone else who sees him. You kept him hidden all this time. Why come back now? You think you're going to ease in and replace Donna? He didn't want you then, why do you think he'll change his mind now." He cocks an eyebrow and sneers at me.

His words are sharp cuts to my fragile heart. He's a boxer in a ring, raining blows down on a weakening opponent. I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back all the things I want to say. Words are sharp, and I need to do my carving carefully and with great consideration. One false move and me and Leo will both be out on our ass. Leo deserves more, so I practice restraint. By now, I'm a professional at this.

"Piney asked me to come here. He said Opie was out of control and needed grounding."

"And bringing the first born he never knew he had is going to do that, how?" Jax spits the word out like he tasted something rotten. The contempt drips from every word.

"The shit we had was once in a lifetime. There's plenty you don't know about the end. So don't be so fucking presumptuous Jax," I snap. Disrespect isn't what I'm aiming for, but being a doormat isn't an option.  
"You think this is some fairytale? You looking for a Knight in Shining armor to save you and bring you out of poverty." He takes a step into my personal space. I hold my ground, and control my breathing as I look him in the eyes.

"Fuck you," I say, enunciating every syllable. "I've been handling my business just fine solo."

Really? 'Cause, you look tired, Jillian. You have dark circles; you're too thin, and your eyes tell me it's been a hard road."

I flinch Much like his mother, Jax can be a real asshole if he wants to. He'd twist words and information to cut you to the quick if he deemed it necessary.

"I don't need your mind games. I'm not here for you. I'm here because Leo deserves this, and Piney thinks he needs it," I say holding up my hands.

"You expect me to believe that? After all this time, you choose now to come back when he's most vulnerable? Give me a reason to not call bullshit."

"He made his choices and I respected it. I wasn't about to let us be a shameful side family, or have Leo caught up in the bullshit going on at the time. With that war wagging, I'd be a fool to stick around. It was one thing when it was just me, but he—" I shake my head. "He changed everything. I was a mother first from the minute the stick had two lines."

"And you never thought he had a right to know?" Jax counters.

"For what? To fuck up his happy home? Make things difficult for everyone, and add strain to a relationship we both know on rocky footing? No, that's not me. I loved him with all I had. I wanted what was best. I understood the club came first, so I acted accordingly."

"You expect me to believe that?" He asks.

"Frankly I could give a fuck less what you believe. This is the truth. He trained me well."

 ** _2001_**

I fidget on the bed beside the man I've come to love.

"Why are you telling me all this Opie? Is this your way of easing into a dear john? We graduate in six months. I know you want to go back to Charming and prospect. The more you explain things. The clearer it becomes there's no place for me in your future." My heart sinks.

"The fuck, Jillian?"

The anger in his voice and the use of my full name make her cringe.

"I'm telling you to prepare you. So you'll be the best old lady there is. You prove yourself to them, and they'll welcome you with open arms. I know you got it in you. You're smart, loyal as fuck, and the only woman I see myself with forever." His voice is soft, and his gaze is open and vulnerable. His words decimated the wall she'd been trying to build around her heart.

"You mean that?" I ask, softly.

"Fuck girl. Isn't it obvious?" He smooths my hair back from her face and kisses my pulse point. "You're the reason I live. Without you I'd already be in juve somewhere. You made this move livable. "

"But what about me?" I ask honestly. I'm not sure Charming has a place for me.

"What about you babe? You'll move back to me, find a job, or live off what I'll make, Maybe enroll in the local college there. It's up to you. All I care about it that you're with me."

"But I'm the wrong color." His clubs strict bylaws worry the hell out of me.

"Fuck that. You're not trying to patch in, and that shits antiquated. Once they meet you and see you're solid, it'll change. Hell, Jax has been dying to meet you for months."

"You talk about me that much to your best friend?" I ask tentatively.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He asks looking at me like I've grown three heads. "We've been together for almost two years, Jill. You come up a whole hell of a lot. Come up with me for spring break. Meet everyone and dip your toe in the water. I know you have what it takes to do this with me. I need you to be at my side. Are you up for that?"

I study his sharp features, run my fingers through my soft, auburn locks, and inhale his scent. Life without this man would be bleak, full of regrets and what ifs. For better or worse I'll see this through till it's ended.

"Yes, I'm up for that," I whisper.

"Good. You have to understand, the club comes first without question. As much as I love you, it means accepting you're second. But no other bitch or person on this earth will top you. I can promise you that."

"I understand. What do I need to do?"

A brilliant smile stretched across his lips as he rattles on about the life.

Present

"Maybe he did," Jax says softly.

I can tell he's rotating the information over in his mind. I can see the moment he recalls the climate at the time.

"Whatever your reasons, it's going to be a giant cluster fuck, Jill." He pulls out a cigarette and light ups. At least for now, he's done treating me like the enemy. "You ready for that?"

"I have to be. I couldn't hide him forever, and Piney asked me. I owe him."

Jax nods. "He been helping you out?"

"Yeah, here and there. Mostly just providing moral support. You know how it went down with my parents."

"Shit they didn't jump on patching things up after shit went south?" Jax asks.

"I never gave them a chance. I'd be damned if I was going to go crawling back to them after the way they treated us." I scowl thinking of the horrible names they called Opie and me when I told them about out plans, and the hell they'd put us through while we dated him in high school.

"You shouldn't have been all alone. That's not how Samcro does things." Jax frowns.

"We both know I'm not Samcro," I say.

"Shit, you almost where though, and Leo is."

"We both know how much almost doesn't count."

"Fucking right on that one. How do you want to do this?" he asks.

"I'm following your lead. I can't see there being a right way."

"Yeah, fuck it, let's go balls to the wall. You go first though. Has to be that way. Don't want your boy getting caught in the crossfire. He's going to be livid, Jill. Not sure what he'll do in this state. He's…. off."

"I think I can handle it,"

"Fuck that makes one of always were a boat rocker. I remember the shock when you came walking in beside him that first day. No one knew what the fuck to say. Brown wasn't a color you saw around here, not in relation to Samcro, and yet you held your head high and took all the digs like a damn champ. It won you support. You already had my loyalty. I know what you did for Opie. He was wild and out of control when Mary dragged his ass away. I was worried he'd end up locked down or in the ground. Then he met you and shit settled. For that reason, I can see why Piney is willing to try it again."

"I can take a lot, and for him I'll go to the edge."

"Be prepared for that, Jilly Bean. He's off the rails right now."

"Then I'll be the crazy bitch that brings him back."


	4. Chapter 4

Playlist

Crazy bitch: Buck Cherry

Bitter sweet Symphony: The Verve

Still Into It: Paramore

AN: Thanks to everyone for the reviews and follows it means a lot. Please voice your opinion and tell me what you think. It helps me improve my writing and keep the charcters well… in character. *laughs. We'll get a peek into Opie's noggin in this chapter.

I wanted her to have a better life. Knowing that's she still suffered because of me when I made the call to let her go, makes me feel like shit ~ Opie

Chapter Four

Jillian

I watch as Piney drives off in my car, and a prospect follows him. We decided it'd be best if Jax takes me to the cabin solo. I trust Leo and Piney to be okay until I get back to them. It'll do him good to spend some one on one time with his Grandfather. I wanted to go alone, but Jax insisted he needed to be there to play mediator until he's sure Opie wouldn't kill me. The thought chilled her from the inside out.

 _What happened to my gentle giant?_ Being on the back of Jax's bike feels wrong. I begrudgingly wrap my arms around him. He takes off, and the wind tugs at my hear. I lean into the curves as we wind our way up the road leading up to the cabins. My heart beats a staccato, and my mind runs over scenarios. I've thought about this moment so many times over the years. The days has come, and all I wanted to do is run. We pull up in front of th cabin, and my mouth goes dry. "You ready for this, girl?" Jax asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I whisper.

"Better get your shit together. I have no clue what we're walking into here. Last time I barely got him to open the door and what showed up was a broken being."

He cuts the engine, and I scrambled off. I'm jittery like I downed too many expresso shots. Jax walks up the path, and I follow behind him. He climbs the porch and pounds on the wood.

"Op, it's me, brother, open up," Jax calls.

The silence stretches out. I begin to worry. _What if he hurt himself? Would he do that?_

He pounds again. "Ain't going away until I see you, man. You know I'll break this shit down if I have to. Got someone you need to talk to out here."

"Fucking leave it, brother. You want to know I'm alive? Here's your proof."

I place my hand on Jax's shoulder and step forward. His methods aren't working. Just beyond the wood is the man I've sacrificed everything for. My hands tremble. Excitement and nerves meld and swirl together like a chocolate and vanilla ice cream cone.

"Think you can open it for a ghost from your past?" I ask.

Heavy footsteps sound. The door flies open. I stumble inside, righting herself. His face is pale against his auburn hair. His eyes are wide, and his lips are parted. He blinks. His mouth opens and closes. _Holy Mother, he grew up well._ The boy I loved is a man. _A manly man._ The lumber jack biker look has my panties wet. _I am so fucked up._

"Jilly?" His voice is hoarse and full of pain.

"Hey, Op." My voice cracks I clear my throat. "I heard you could use a friend."

"Who… what?" He shakes his head. His nose wrinkles up, and I can all but see the wheels spinning in his brain. "You?" He points at Jax. His silver rings catch the sun.

"Don't be mad, Piney called. We uh –we have some things we need to talk about," I say.

"Is this for real? Have I finally fucking lost it?" Opie muttered, sounding lost. He tilts his head and studies me.

"No brother, she's as real as you and me," Jax says.

"I can't do this shit with you right now Jill. You got the world's worst timing." He runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the unkempt strands. His voice is soft. I cling to the almost tender moment before the bomb drops.

"Tough shit. You have to," I say, taking an antagonistic role. Cuddling him won't move him.

"You left and disappeared off the fucking earth for all this time. I had no clue if you were okay, where you were. Now you want to make demands?" He furrows his brow and scowls.

His words are a punch to the gut. _He still cared back then_. _What about now?_ I squash the hope blooming up inside me. "We have a son," I blurt.

He stills. "What did you just say?" The fury in his voice is scary.

"We have a son, his name is Leo and he's sixteen years old," I say, rushing ahead before he can cut me off.

"Bullshit." Opie roars. He rushes forward, grabbing my forearms and shakes me. I feel like a doll as my head rattles on my neck.

Jax steps in and grips his shoulder. "Whoa, brother. Calm down before you do some shit you can't take back. I saw him, kid's definitely yours."

Opie stops. I take the moment to pull free of his hold and walk away, deeper into the cabin. The smell of alcohol assaulted my nose. I take in the interior for the first time. The place lay in ruins, Overturned chairs, broken glass, and broken relics lie scattered across the floor. The utter destruction of a place he once held so dear steals the breath from my lungs. I turn and find myself facing down a fire breathing dragon. Opie's nostrils flare. His gaze bores holes into my flesh. His chest rises and falls rapidly. A vein in his neck pulses. Rage emanates from him like heat from an erupting volcano.

My nipples go hard. I'm turned on and terrified at the same time.

"You have some fucking nerve. I thought I knew you," he says.

"You chose," I scream, finally losing my shit.

"So this is some bitter bitch thing? You kept my son from me because I stayed with Donna?"

"No. I did it, so you didn't have to choose. I didn't want that to sway you and besides you were in a fucking insane war with the One-Niners. You think they wouldn't hold this against you? Against the club? I was already their number one target. I bleed for you, Winston, and I did it without complaint. But that was never going to be my child." I ball my hands into fists. "I did the best thing for you and your club. Isn't that what you wanted me to do? Be the perfect old lady?" Anger explodes. I shove him.

The muscles in his jaws tick. His face turns beet red. His hands come up and wrap around my neck. He pins me against the wall. No pressure is applied. The tremor of his body sets me on edge. "I let you go because you had a chance at something better. It wasn't a matter of love. For once in my miserable life, I thought with my head. Donna was in too deep. Her connections were known. You- you could go anywhere, be anything and thrive. I wanted that for you. I loved you enough to let you go, because I knew you deserved better." His thumb strokes my pulse point.

"Well fuck you very much for making that decision for both of us," I say nastily.

We're locked in a staring contest full of malice and distrust. It sickens me. We've become the exact opposite of what we once were.

Opie

My first mistake was thinking life couldn't get any worse. It left me open for the shaky ground I stand on to continue to crumble. The brown-skinned woman in my grasp is so different from the girl I once loved. Her hips are fuller, her breasts are larger, and her eyes are hard tired. It tears me up. _Everything I did was for nothing._ I let her go and it hurt us both in the long run. Whatever life she's lived hadn't been smooth sailing. We need to be alone and talk. I understand that, but right now I can't decide if I want to kill her or fuck her. _What an asshole. Donna isn't even cold in the ground._ My stomach sours. It was no secret, Donna never cared for the club. Not really. Not the way an old woman should. Stupidly, I thought I'd be able to change her mind. That she'd come around, but I'd been dead wrong. This woman in front of me had been down for me and Samcro. Which is why I can't help but believe her now.

"The hell am I going to do with you, Jilly?" I whisper, unable to hold onto the killing rage I first felt.

"Whatever it takes to make you okay with Leo." Her lower lip trembles.

I release her and box her in, placing my arms on either side of her head as I supported my weight. "He hate me?" I ask.

"No, I told him straight up this was my call and had nothing to do with you. That I thought it would be safer."

I lean in and touch our foreheads. "Why'd you take this all on yourself? This is fucking crazy."

"Because it needed to be done. I couldn't see any other way, and I know your stubborn ass wouldn't have listened to anyone when they told you the same thing I already realized."

"It wasn't your call to make, Gotdamnit it. I want to meet him."

"You will. He's here, and he's excited. I wouldn't – I made sure of that."

I can't cycle through my emotions fast enough to understand them. "Brother, we're going to need a minute," I say.

"Uh. I don't know if that's such a good idea, man," Jax says. I can't blame him. We're just as liable to duke it out right now as we are to talk peacefully.

"We'll be fine," Jill says, never breaking eye contact. That small act of trust, soothes the beast raging inside me.

"Alright. I'm going to be just outside," Jax says. His footsteps faded away, and the front door closes.

"Fuck. I didn't want this for you," I whisper. It's my fault Donna died. My stomach plummets. _The same shit would not happen to Jill or my boy. I'll make sure of that shit_. My guilt doubles. I loved the fuck out of Donna. She was my first love. The person I lost my virginity to and learned how to care for a woman with. But she was never my heart. Not the way she should've been. Now the woman who tatted her name on my blood pumping organ is back. The weakness I thought I carved out rises up and I surrender, grateful to feel something other than despair. I slam my mouth down on hers, biting her full bottom lip, hard. She moans, opening her mouth, and I thrust my tongue inside. She's sweet and juicy like a ripe peach. Her tongue

Now the woman who tatted her name on my blood pumping organ is back. The weakness I thought I carved out rises up and I surrender, grateful to feel something other than despair. I slam my mouth down on hers, biting her full bottom lip, hard. She moans, opening her mouth, and I thrust my tongue inside. She's sweet and juicy like a ripe peach. Her tongue tangles with mine and she presses her breast against me. The hardened points grazed my bare chest. A monster rips free. Donna and I hadn't been intimate in months. Our relationship had been held together by a tether, and nothing I did was right. Now I have a woman hot and ready for me. I'm weak. I grip her hips and lifted her up. She wraps her long legs around me, and I grind into her center. The heat rolling from her core makes him grunt. She runs her nails down my neck, and I fist her hair. There's nothing gentle about the brutal mouth mating. Our teeth clash. I eat her mouth. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.

Our relationship had been held together by a tether, and nothing I did was right. Now I have a woman hot and ready for me. I'm weak. I grip her hips and lifted her up. She wraps her long legs around me, and I grind into her center. The heat rolling from her core makes him grunt. She runs her nails down my neck, and I fist her hair. There's nothing gentle about the brutal mouth mating. Our teeth clash. I eat her mouth. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. Whether it's mine or hers, I can't say. But it has my dick hard. Suddenly, all I can think about is being inside her again. Moving away from the wall, I stumble through the cabin and into my room. Falling to the bed with her on top, I drink her in with my eyes as I continue to fuck her mouth with mine.

The years were kind. I rolled us over and disconnect our lips.

"Off," I grab the edge of her shirt. She lifts her arms, and I yanked it up over her head. "Shit, Jilly." Her breasts are twice the size they were. Presented like a present in her lacy black bra., the twins have me drooling.

"Shit, Jilly."

"Having a baby will do that to you." She says with a laugh.

It hits me. She had my child. Her belly is fit, but not ripped. The stretch marks don't detract from her looks. For me, they enhanced them. She was permanently marking bringing my boy into the world. My first born. I latch onto a dark nipple through the lace, and fumbled with her jeans. Popping a button, I slide my hand inside. Her heated liquid coats my fingers, and I moaned. I thrust a finger into her entrance. She arches off the bed, and I work another finger inside her, marveling at her tightness.

"Shit, you're so fucking tight, Jilly."

"Oh, Harry." she whimpers.

"That's right. I'm the one making you feel like this." I angle my fingers and circle her swollen clit. She cries out, bucking as her walls clamp around my fingers. She spurts, and I groan in appreciation. I forgot how fun it was to play with her pussy.

"Everything okay in here? It's too quiet." Jax yells.

They sensual spell we wove breaks.

"Shit," I say.

"We can't do this right now. Jesus, shit. What was I thinking?" she rolls away, straightening her clothes. "One minute with you and I forget everything."

 _The feelings mutual._ Not one to waist things, I suck my fingers into her mouth and taste her, damning us both.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

a/n: Thank you so much for the reviews and sticking with the story. I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted an updated. Real life has been hectic.

Playlist

Rolling in the Deep : Adele

Bleeding Love: Leona Lewis

See you Again: Wiz Kalifa

Opie

"We'll be there in a minute, man," I call. Her salty sweat flavor coats my tongue, and I know once will never be enough. I've opened Pandora's box, and now I have to deal with everything I let out.

"I want to see him," I say watching as she buttons her jean and slips on her shirt.

"Once you get your shit together."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I bark.

"You looked in the mirror lately Op? When's the last time you had a shower or something to eat. And no, alcohol doesn't count." She says.

"You come back here and you want to sass me. You ever lost a spouse?"

"No, I never even got that far,"She shoots back.

I close my mouth. What the fuck can I say to that?"

"I won't try to keep you away from Leo. He needs you. I've cared for him and taught him all I can, now it's your turn to help him become a man."

"Why should I believe you?" I asked, furious over the time I've lost.

"Because I'm here when I don't have to be, and I did this to protect you and the club. Love the man love the club."

I love and hate her for parroting the words back. Donna never would've hidden the kids to keep Samcro in one piece. She'd have let it go up in flames and collapse from the inside out. And that's why we could never get right. I bow my head. She's barely been in the ground, three months and I'm defaming her name. Truth is truth.

"Let's just see, Jax, and go from there."

She sighs heavily and stands from the bed. "I'll wait out here."

I grab her wrist. "No, you'll leave with me."

"Op—

"You had sixteen years to do shit your way. This is my time."

She bows her head. "Fair enough."

I tighten my grip.

She hisses, but takes it. I release her. There are too many conflicting emotions circling my brain at the same time. A dull ache begins in my temples. I shed my old clothes and stumble to the dresser rummaging up a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I tame my hair into a bun and wait by the door. "I'm ready."

"Okay," Jill says softly. She follows me out of the door, and I can't help but be happy she's right by my side again. She's always had a quiet strength that gets you through the tough shit. We

Jax appears in the doorway, and his eyes turn into azure sauces. "I see you weren't killing each other."

I growl. He backs up, palms up in the air. I look down at Jilly, our gazes met, and we retreat to our corners like fighters at the end of a round.

"Pop knew about this?" I ask. He must've.

"Yes, he— he kept in touch. He didn't agree with my plan one-hundred percent, but he supported me and kept my secret."

"Until now." I snicker. Wiley fucker.

"Yes," She says.

"We both know you're no shrinking violet. Don't pretend to be one now," I say to her.

"A lot's changed. This is not my territory or my people, and I'm rusty on my club communication rules. My son's happiness is riding on this. I need to get it right."

"Now you care about him and this side of the family?" I ask cruelly.

"I've always cared. But caring and knowing the time isn't right are to separate things, " She says again in the soft voice I already hate. The old Jilly would've cussed me out from one end of the cabin to the other. I'm not sure what to think about this make and model. Is it a ruse? A case of nerves, or a setup?"

A year ago I wouldn't have a reason to let my mind go to this dark place. Now, there are very few brother I trust to watch my back. Thoughts of the club make the situation more complex. The kids are being shuttled between Mary and Pop, I hate it, but I know it's for the best. I can be their father right now. Not when everything I see in the home reminds me of Donna, and I 'm hanging on to a ghost. I feel her accusing eyes following me around with every step.

"Let's go out there and show Jax we're fine."

"This is a family matter. What does he have to do with it?" I snap, pissed that she's trying to use my best friend as a buffer.

"There's no such thing. We both know you can't separate one from the other," she says, pushing past me. It's all I can do to keep my hands to myself. She's right, and I hate it. I stalk after her.

"You going to be okay here if I leave?" Jax asks.

"Yes," I say

"No."

Her answer pisses me off. "That's not what you said when I was fucking you with my fingers."

She flinches. "You're a mess, and while I can handle you mentally. I sure as hell can't physically. Look at you. You're barely standing right now."

"I'm fine," I snap. My words slur and I sway slightly.

"Right."

"How about we sober you up, and I let you do your thing?" Jax asks.

"Fine," I say.

Jilly nods.

"Come on man, let me start you a coffee. Jilly maybe check in with your boy and Piney?"

"Yeah, I think I will."

I watch her walk away, frightened she'll disappear again, or worse she was never really here in the first place. Being in this cabin with my best friend, Jack Daniels has gotten me loopy.

Jax rights a chair. "Sit man."

I slump into the chair and drop my head in my hands.

"You're one fertile motherfucker bro. I got to give you that," Jax says.

I groan. "No jokes now, man."

"Got to do something to lighten this shit up. It's like a damn funeral."

"When your ex comes back telling you about a child, then you can judge me," I snarl.

"My ex did come back, and I had to tell her about my current junkie wife's fucked up pregnancy. I think you got the better surprise."

"I ain't so sure about that," I say.

"I am."

I hear the coffee running into the pot and smell its distinct aroma. My stomach grumbles, and I realize it's been days since I really ate something. Footsteps cross the floor behind me.

"They're good. Told them we'd let them know the place and time when we were ready. You hungry? I could fix something," Jilly says softly.

"That'd be great darling," Jax says smoothly. I've never disliked his ability to charm as much as I do now. I want to drag Jill off to a corner and keep her till the beast screaming inside me is silenced.

I rest my head on the table.

"Drink this," Jax says setting down a mug with a heavy hand.

"Ugh," I groan.

"Reminds me of better days," Jilly says.

Jax laughs. "You're first trip to Charming during Spring break. "

"Oh my God, to this day, I've never been that drunk in my life," She says giggling.

"I told you Dad's Tequila was potent," I say. My lips twitch into a small smile.

"I Know, but I wanted to impress everyone so badly," She says.

"Oh trust me, you left an impression," Jax says.

"Stop thinking bout my girls' tits," I mumble thinking about the impromptu streaking she and Tara had done.

"Can't help it brother, that shit's seared on to my brain," Jax says.

Jill snickers and we all burst into laughter that breaks up the tension-filled room.

I sit up and slowly sip the black coffee as Jill moves around the space , salvaging food for a meal, and Jax begins to straighten up.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Playlist

Afraid: The Neighbourhood

Let it Go: The Neighbourhood

A/n: Thanks to everyone for the favorites, follows, and reviews. I'm headed out of town for a book signing, and i wanted to get you guys something before the madness begins. I'll be back next week with a longer chapter. Also, I don't have a face claim for Jilly. Maybe if I can carve out more time , I'll look into setting something up.

 ** _Jillian_**

I remained silent as Jax plied Opie with coffee, and I managed to put together omelets. I set the plates down in front of them. The only sound is forks and knives on plates.

"Tell me about him," Opie says quietly.

"Leo?" I sigh. "Leo Piermont Winston is a little of me and a lot of you. Stubborn, smart as hell, funny, and at times rebellious."

"Yeah?" Opie glances up at me and smiles.

"Oh yeah, we've gone a few rounds this year," I say thinking of the knockdown drags out.

"He put his hands on you?" Opie asks. His eyes grow stormy.

I burst out laughing. "Are you serious right now? He knows I'd put my foot up his ass. Besides him and I have a bond. It's just the usual teen angst thing, made worse because It's just me. I mean, did you want to talk to your mother about the shit that comes with puberty?"

"Hell no, but she made me," Jax said.

I look at Opie, and we laugh. He looks less haunted. I know it's a brief reprieve, but I'll take that over nothing.

"I can't wait to meet him, Jilly. I know you. He must be amazing with you as a mother."

I sigh. "I did the best I could. I couldn't always give him everything, but he never lacked."

"That's better than most, Jilly," Jax said sadly.

There's a story there. "Jax?"

"Don't know if you'd remember Wendy. She was a crow eater. Ended up hooking up and getting married. Things were okay until she developed a habit. Crank whore was so addicted she couldn't even stop long enough to bring my kid to full term."

I cover my mouth horrified. "Oh my God. I am so sorry, Jackson."

"Damn near killed my son. So what you did. That's admirable," Jax whispers.

Opie shifts in his seat but remains quiet.

"It's okay to be pissed. I expected that" I say to him.

"I don't know what I am. I want to meet him," Opie says.

"And you will. I'd never keep him away—

"No you fucking won't. The hiding shit is done, Jilly," Opie says.

I nod biting my tongue. I deserve his mistrust and anger. I'll take it to a certain point.

"Ease up, big man," Jax says around a mouthful of food.

Opie grunts.

"When can I see him?" Opie asks.

I study him. He's looking better, but his temper is unpredictable.

"When do you think you'll be ready to? It's going to be heavy. I don't want you to meet him when you're not yourself and leave him with that first impression." I bow my head. Maybe it's selfish, but when it comes to my soon, there's very little I wouldn't do.

"I can get my shit together for my kid," Opie snarls.

"That's not what Pop says."

"Fuck you, Jillian," He roars.

"You'd have to work for that too," I say, purposely pressing his buttons.

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Opie snaps.

"Yes, but you're proving my point. One comment and you're flying off the handle. I'm a mom first, and I won't see him hurt."

"You think keeping him away from me hasn't done that already, Jillian?" He growled.

"It was my call to make, and I wouldn't change it now. You can be pissed about it or move on," I say refusing to show him any weakness. He was looking for a tender spot to rip into right now. I wouldn't provide that, or back now. I was fighting for my son's soul right alongside his. If we came here and Opie rejected him, it'd kill something inside of Leo. I couldn't let that happen.

"Glad you can be so sure of yourself," Opie says.

"Man, she's here now," Jax says.

"You taking her side?" Opie asks.

"There are no sides. But Leo is family, and he gets that," I say.

"Always sort of hate when you two hit it off," Opie grumbles. Like that the storm is over.

"God knows it took two of us to keep your ass out of trouble. You got a slow burn temper, but once it's activated, or someone hits s button, Jesus Christ," I say remembering the fights he'd gotten into.

"This situation is fucked up, Jilly," Opie says.

"I know. There was no way to ease you into this. It's a sink or swim deal, and trust me I agonized over the place and time for the reveal. You aren't yourself right now, and we need you back. The club, Leo, Ellie and Kenny."

He gasps. "You know their names."

I nod. "And so does Leo. I kept up with you." I obsessed over you because I'm the dumb bitch who still loves you. You've fucked up any chance I had of normalcy.

"I don't know how I feel about that," Opie says.

"I wouldn't expect you to. I know it's a lot to take in." I'm bullshitting because that's what the situation calls for. It rips me apart that everything is so strained. I knew we weren't going to come in like a ready-made family and magically blend two households, but seeing suspicion in the eyes of the man id' sacrificed everything for was a tough pill to swallow. Still, I do it because there's no other choice. This life isn't an easy one, nor is it the best, but it's mine. The minute the stick showed two pink lines I was bound for life.

"Why are you still single?" Jax asks.

"Pardon me?" I say caught off guard.

"No ring, no man, why?" Jax drawls.

"Wasn't my top priority. I'm a single mother working two, sometimes three jobs. Dating wasn't a blip on my radar." It's partial truth.

"Hard to believe some PTA Dad, didn't want to whisk you away and pay for everything," Jax drawls. I fight back the urge to claw his eyes out. The man could be an instigator just like his fucking Mom. The thought of Gemma makes my stomach hurt. She'll have a lot to say about this.

"To love me they'd have to love my son like he was their own, and most men don't seem to be down for that. I saw it go sideways too many times for other friends. Figured I'd skip out on the train wreck."

I ignore Jax's knowing stare. He knew all about pining away. When his girl, Tara left town he'd fallen into a pit of pussy and club business, and never really climbed out. At least, not while I was around. I bite the inside of my check to keep my comments to myself.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Playlist

Gave you All : Mumford and Son

A/N:

I am so very sorry it's been so long since my last update. My life imploded in the best possible way. I had like four book signings in a row which meant traveling from place to place. On top of that I had a couple of book deadlines and some major blow back from a book release that went insane. I managed to hit the top 100 on Amazon, which was a first and a huge deal. I'm taking some me time this week to get back to this. I haven't forgotten about Opie and Jill, or their story.

Opie.

Staring at the reflection in the mirror, I find I don't know the man gazing back. He looks like me, except there's something missing in his eyes and his entire demeanor. I spent the entire morning sobering up and shooting the shit with Jilly and Jax. It felt good to talk about life before everything got completely fucked, and the club turned into a black hole sucking shit in and killing it. I run my fingers through my hair. I've been a shit dad. I should've been there with the kids right now, but I couldn't handle it. We just barely got past the _Dad's basically a stranger after being locked up for three years,_ and then this happened. Donna had always been the glue that held us together. Mostly because it's the way she made it. Unlike me, she reared them to have one foot in the club and one foot out. It means there's a part of them I can't' relate to.

Donna was always our bridge. The translator that made shit run smoothly. Now I'm lost, overwhelmed and scared as shit I'm going to fuck them up. Kenny's a little easier than Elle. She's like her mother that way with a small tolerance for bullshit, and a healthy dose of mistrust. I resent Donna for the way she made our girl. Not that I have the right to bitch. I knew what I was getting into when I made that choice. It's painful to think I might've made the wrong one. Except for my kids. I would never wish them from existence. Speaking of kids. I can't keep the wide grin off my face. Me and my Jilly made a baby boy. In a twisted way, it felt right that she'd given me my first born male who bore my father's middle name and the name I'd almost gotten. She remembered everything.

"You fall in there or what?" Jax yells.

"You gotta piss?"

"No."

"Then fuck off," I bark. I don't need him around to see me like this. Ever since Tara returned his attention and at times his loyalty has seemed divided. It's best if I handle this one on one with Jill. She's the main person I need to get right with. Leo's spent all this time alone with his mother, he'll notice if we're off. I don't want anything hurting my chances of forming a real, close relationship with my boy. _Time to stop hiding and face the world._ I turn away from the mirror and exit the bathroom.

"and he lives," Jax cries.

"Dick," I muttur. I peer over at Jill, who's perched on the couch, studying me with a thoughtful expression on her face. She's matured. Her face is slimmer, her ass is bigger along with her tits, and her eyes are full of strength and knowledge. It's attractive.

"You okay?" she asks.

I shrug and shove my hands into my pockets.

"I think we're good for now, Jax. Seems like what we need to do now is a lot of talking, and I don't think either of us wants to do it with an audience," Jill says.

Jax raises his hands in mock surrender. " I know when I'm not wanted. Time's ticking brother. Leo won't stay hidden forever, and Gemma sniffs out secrets like a fucking bloodhound. Better to bring it to her and then Clay first."

The order he suggested the telling of isn't lost on me. If Gemma is behind it, Clay will be more likely to go with the flow just to keep from having to hear her bitch.

"We'll get this shit hashed out by the end of the night. Isn't that right, Jill?" I ask.

"We'll rough out the basics. Going to take a lot more than a day to truly untangle this web."

I nod my head, feeling up for the challenge for the first time since we put Donna in the ground. Jillian had given me something attainable to work toward. One step at a time I could handle. Smooth shit out with Jillian, meet my boy, work on piecemealing what's left of my family together.

"I hear you loud and clear, brother," I say to Jax.

"Alright. For what it's worth, you already look a million times better. Always did have a way with him Jilly Bean," Jax sayd winking as he slips out the front door.

"And then there were two," Jillian says dramatically making me snicker. This is the soberest I've been in God knows how long, and I have to admit, it feels good.

"I don't even know how to start this shit, Jill. What the fuck have you been doing all this time?"

"Work, Leo and more work."

"No old man?" I ask, unable to curb my curiosity.

"No time."

"Bullshit, Jillian. You have always been a master multi-tasker."

"What? You're disappointed I'm not Mrs. So and so?" She asks snarkily.

 _The exact opposite, and that's the problem._

"Just trying to see who's been in and out of my boys life," I say putting my foot in my mouth.

"Fuck you, Opie. I've done right by our boy. He knows your father, knows his club history, and your family history. Knows of his siblings and he knew of Donna. He doesn't hate your guts, which is like a fucking miracle. What more do you want for me? Life hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine for me. Shit. Being a single parent is hard. Yes, he's worth it, but it wore me down. I'm tired, and my time is up. I can do many things, but showing our son how to become a man isn't one of the. I'm sorry as hell for the reason we're here, but my God did we need it."

Hearing her say she needed me woke something primal. I walk over to the couch and sink beside her resting my hands on her thighs.

"I got a lot to answer for. I haven't been the best dad to any of my kids, but that's going to stop now. I don't like how you did shit. That'll never change, even if I can understand why. But I do hate that you've been alone this entire time. That shit stops today. So we need to figure out what the hell we're telling everyone."

She looks up, and I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I wasn't sure you'd be so – " Her voice cracks, and she shakes her head.

"So what?"

"Forgiving."

I close my eyes. "What couldn't I forgive you? I owe you my life. You made living with my mother survivable. She was always putting down me, dad, the club. What I wanted to do with my life, and never letting me have freedom. I was ready to do something drastic, and then there you were the very first day of school." I laugh. I'd done more reminiscing in the past day than I had in years. It felt good. The minute I got out of the pen I'd been thrust into nothing but conflict, internal and external. This was a breath of fresh air and clarity about how I wanted to move forward.

"What do we say to them?"

"The truth. This is your big brother. Once a long time ago before I married your mom, I had another love. Because she didn't want to hurt the family I and mommy had, she stayed away." As I spoke the words, the sacrifice she made awed me. _This is love without limitations._

I know this is on the shorter side, but I promise , more will come tomorrow. 3


	8. Chapter 8

Playlist

November Rain: Guns N Roses

Crazy Train: Ozzy Osbourne

Ride: Lana Del Rey

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the show Sons of Anarchy, and no money is being made from this story. I do however own all the original characters.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and messages! It really helps keep me writing, and II love all the constructive criticism.

Chapter Eight

In the end, we both agree there's no right way to ease into this. He and Leo need to meet and spend time with one another. My stomach feels like a battle site for the Civil War. Everything hinges on the two men in my life getting along. I want to stretch things out a few days. Opie isn't having it. _I can't blame him. Seventeen years is long enough._ Given the state I discovered him in, I find the initiative he's taking, encouraging.

"So tomorrow, then?" Opie asks He wipes his palms onto his jeans.

"Tomorrow," I say, hoping I sound surer than I feel. My heart pounds against my ribs. My brain comes up with a million reasons why this could turn into a disaster. For better or worse, we're now on this ride together. I close my eyes and say a small prayer this will work out.

"Shit," he says.

"You're telling me," I whisper. Silence stretches between us like salt water taffy on a hot summer's day.

"What do I say?" He asks.

"Whatever feel is right. There's no right or wrong. He's eager to hear about who you were, who you are, and what's been happening in your life."

"God I don't know the first thing about him, Jillian. I don't want to fuck this up. First impressions are important. God this is even worse than coming back home," Opie says, shifting his weight on the couch.

"You'll learn," I say struggling to assure him without lying. It will be awkward at first. "The two of you aren't worlds apart by any means. He's good with his hands, grounded, funny, and for the most part very chill."

"Yeah?" Opie turns to look at me, and I smile.

"Yes. We did good, Daddy," I say fulfilling one of my bucket list items, referring to him as the father of our child.

His lips twitch up. "I'll never get tired of that word."

The paternal pride visible on his face warms my heart. My heart swells. _If I live for these little moments, I just might is the best thing you can do for Leo._

Never one for fancy, I break out the practical questions. "Are we going to stay here?" I ask.

"In the cabin? No, it's too far. I want you where I can have eyes on you."

"Should we be expecting trouble?"

"With us? Always. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. I won't lie, though. Right now, things are rocky."

"Niner's war rocky?" I ask, instantly apprehensive.

"Not yet. We're working real hard to prevent it. Lots of blood was shed that year. Right now I just want to make sure someone's around if you need anything."

"Shouldn't I be catering to you right now?" I ask narrowing my gaze to study him. He was good at keeping shit in until it exploded in an impressive display of destruction.

"No, it's past time I get back on my feet and deal with shit."

I can hear the determination in his voice.

"We need to set up some kind of schedule. I know you're excited about Leo, but I have jobs waiting for me back home, a nice apartment. I only have a week off for a family emergency, and I know the time will fly by."

"Whoa. You don't think I'm going to let you go back to Nevada with him, do you?" Opie asks.

My muscles tense. "You're damn straight I do."

"No fucking way. Who knows how long it'll be until I see him again."

"That's not fair, Harry."

"I don't give a shit, _Jillian_. What's left of my family is going to stay together. You had sixteen years with him all by yourself. It's our turn. We want him to know us too."

"This isn't about me being selfish. You don't even know how everyone will act. You think I'd leave my kid in an incredibly hostile environment.

"It doesn't matter. He's family. That makes him Samcro. Regardless of the initial reactions, they'll come around. I know Elle and Kenny will have a tough time accepting things at first. But they're good kids. They'll accept it and move forward. Dad already loves him. Those are the people that matter most to me."

"The club—

"Isn't the priority it used to be," he says quietly.

"You're upset and hurting right now, but I know you don't mean that. What do you want me to do uproot our entire lives?" I stand from the couch and pace the length of the room. My grip on control is slipping. _Things are moving too fast._

"That's exactly what you're going to do Jillian. I'm smart enough to know the two of you are a package deal. He won't stay if you don't."

"How am I going to provide for him here? How will we live? Charming is a small town. What job is going to be available that'll make me enough money to continue the same lifestyle we're accustomed to? Cali ain't cheap."

"I will handle this. Hell, the club owes me. You'll be taken care of, both of you. "

I shake my head. Now way. "I'm not letting you do that."

"Why not? Didn't you come here for help?"

"No, I came here to let you know you have a son and try to give you a chance to bond and form a relationship. I don't need your money, Opie. I don't' want people thinking I came back for that."

His bitter laughter rings out in the empty cabin. "We both know they're going to think whatever the fuck they want anyway, Jilly."

I sigh. He's right. Small towns live for juicy gossip, and a love child with an African American mother is a tender morsel for them to sink their teeth into.

"You say you're tired? Then take a break, regroup, relax, be there with me while we figure this shit out." His eyes are pleading with me. They were always a weakness, those expressive orbs of his.

"Who's been keeping the kids, Op?" I ask, eager to change the direction of the conversation.

He rubs the back of his neck. "Mary and Dad."

"Oh, Jesus. How could you leave them with her?" I ask appalled. I didn't hate anyone, but that bitch came mighty close to being the first. I want to rush down from the cabin, snatch the up and carry them to safety. Surely that woman was a demon sent to tempt even saints.

"I wasn't thinking straight."

"No shit! After all the crap she's pulled over the years, who knows how's she's poisoning their minds?" I shake my head.

"Don't judge—

"I'm not. I'm concerned."

He hangs his head, and I instantly feel like shit. It's like I kicked a puppy. _Remember everything he's gone through you idiot._

"Hey, I wasn't knocking you." I place my hand on his arm. " I can't begin to imagine what you've gone through. I just— I want us to make it right, for all of them. They're family, and that means we're in it together."

"You always understood that loyalty. Maybe that's why I'm not scared as fuck to do this. I know we can blend our families." His voice is thoughtful.

"It's going to be hard—

"I know but, I'm finally giving them something instead of taking. They're getting a new sibling more family. Something to add to their life when so much has been taken away."

For his sake I hope the two of them see it that way.

"So you meet Leo tomorrow and then we get them all together?" I ask tentatively.

"Yeah, I think so. Delaying it won't make anything easier, best to go all in at once."

I don't know if I agree, but he knows his children better than me. "Okay, so where are we staying."

"I think you should stay with me. We have a spare room—

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Opie."

"I do. You need a place to stay. I need help with them."

"I'm sure they won't welcome that," I say quietly.

"After Mary, they'll jump for joy."

I snicker. He makes it sound do easy.

"You trust me?"

I glance at him and tilt my head to the side. "I want to."

"Do this for me, at least for the week until we hash things out. If it doesn't work, we'll figure things out."

I fight the urge to run. "Okay."

Next chapter: Two worlds Collide. Are you ready?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Family

AN:

I'm sorry it took so long to get this out. I went through a bad case of writer's block. Trying to force the words began to turn something I loved into something I hated. So I had to take a break, step away, and now I'm back. Thank you all for your patience and support.

OPIE

The room seems to get smaller with every minute that passes. I'm about to meet my firstborn son for the first time. The miracle I created with Jilly. I close my eyes battling back the headache that's threatening to form. I want it all out in the open. One thing I've learned is this; secrets were poison. No matter what your intentions were, the toxin spreads out and caused pain and destruction. I'll have a few hours with Leo, and then mom will bring over Ellie and Kenny. Those two deserve to know the truth, and it's past time I get my shit together.

"You're going to wear a hole in the carpet if you keep this up," Jill says.

I look over at her and experience a mixed bag of emotions. I'm happy she's back. She's always had a knack for balancing me out. The minute she stepped into Charming I rediscovered my purpose and remembered who I was before the club spiraled and took Donna down with it. I've been off the reservation for months, and now …she's grounded me. Initially, the anchor had been anger. Now it's more. I would never take back my marriage with Donna. That would erase Ellie and Kenny, but damn did I wonder what if.

Jill had always been down for the club. She wouldn't have cut off all contact the way Donna did. I can't compare the two.

"There's a lot riding on this," I say through clenched teeth.

She rises from the couch and walks over to me, placing a gentle hand on my arm. "He's excited about this Harry. He's been waiting for this moment over the years. There's no resentment for him. He knows this was on me."

"Why would you do that?" I ask, still stunned by her willingness to place herself up on the chopping block.

"Because it was my call. The mess we're in now was made by my own hands. I'm woman enough to take full responsibility for that. "

"Why didn't you come clean before now, Jillian? You've had over sixteen years."

She shakes her head. "Wasn't the right time. I was planning on waiting until he was eighteen when he was old enough to properly protect himself, or at the least learn how to. I showed him the ropes. I taught him to shoot, I tried to instill him with loyalty, integrity, and family. I kept him as close to Piermont as I could. I know it doesn't make up for anything. You lost out on years of his life. But I saw how happy you were with Donna, and once you two got engaged. I just couldn't come in and fuck that up."

"You know that was one of the things that always pissed me off. You're always so busy thinking about everyone else's needs, you throw yourself under the bus. For that reason alone, I know you raised our boy well. There'd be nothing you wouldn't do to give him everything he needed. I won't lie and say I'm okay with what you did, but for the sake of this fractured family, we're going to work through it side by side."

"You sure you want to bring Ellie and Kenny into this now?" she asks. The genuine concern in her face assures me I'm doing the right thing.

"They've had enough loss recently. I thought an addition to be happy about would be a welcome surprise … once the shock wears off."

"They're going to hate me, "Jill whispers looking down.

"Hey." I grabbed her chin and forced her to meet my gaze. "I'd never let that happen. Their anger has everything to do with losing their mother, and it's spilling out onto everything. Don't take it personally. You hear me?"

"Yeah. I hear you, Op."

I grunt. She did that a lot, deflected with a half-ass response. I blame her parents and their quest for perfection. It always made her feel like she wasn't' good enough. Anger flares. I always wanted to knock the rich fucks down a peg or ten. A car pulled into the driveway.

"They're here."

"Take a deep breath and be yourself," she says as she moves around me to answer the door. I wipe my clammy palms on the pants of my jeans and watch as the familiar barrel chest and unruly hair step through the door. Pop stops and hugs Jilly. He places a kiss on her cheek. The affection between them is palpable. He steps inside, and I catch my first glimpse of Leo. With his light brown skin, hazel eyes, tall frame and angular face, he's the perfect mixture of the two of them. The boy smiles and my heart damn near stops. Now that's all his mother. I can see myself in his feature sand the red tinted hair.

"Hi," Leo said.

"Hi," I say, unsure where to go next.

"What do you say we make ourselves scarce, and let these two have a moment?" Dad says.

Panic hits. I glance over at Jilly. She flashes me a reassuring smile, and I clear my throat as they disappear into the kitchen.

"If I had known about you. I would've been in your life."

Leo smiles and nod. " I know, my mom told me. One thing my mom doesn't do is lie."

"Good, that's important to me, that you know that."

Leo nods. "So, what happens now?"

"Well. I'd like you to stay and get to know your brothers and sisters. You have a family here and a place to belong. I want to introduce you to that world. "

"and Mom's okay with that? I mean what about her jobs and our place back home" he asks.

The words jobs makes me frown. How many was she working?

"Your Mom has agreed to let me steer the family ship for awhile. After all, she's had sixteen years, so I think it's only fair."

"Is she just going to leave me here?" He asked.

"No, she'd never do that. She's going to stay here too." She just doesn't know it yet.

"Mom just agreed to that?" Leo asks skeptically.

"We're still ironing out the details, but we both agree it's time you learn about your roots here."

" It'd be nice to see Mom get a break too. She's always working two, sometimes three jobs," Leo said with a sigh.

"Well, all of that is over. She's not doing it alone anymore. The club takes care of its own, and both of you are family." I place a hand on his shoulder. "Understand?"

His brow furrowed. "I think so. It's just such a foreign concept, having someone to help us."

My son's words hurt. He'd missed out on everything I love most about the club.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I ask.

"What happened with you and Mom?" he whispers.

I sigh. "I let her go to give her a better life. I never knew you were a possibility. The club comes with its pluses and minuses. It can be dangerous. There are people out there who want to take what we have. Battles break out. Sometimes there's blowback."

"Blowback?" he asks.

"Retribution. See…. I dated my wife before I ever knew your mother. We broke up when my mom took me a few towns over."

"Then you met mom?" He asks.

"I did, and my life changed for the better. I was an angry kid. My parents didn't get along, and my mother hated Dad after the divorce. I became a tool she used to try to hurt him. I resented it. When she forced me to leave against my will, and tried to keep me from the club I rebelled. Your mother she's got a magic way about her. She brought me calm and clarity. I loved her hard."

"So why did you break up?"

"Somethings happened that made me believe she'd be safer without me. I wanted her to have a chance at a regular, successful life far away from Charming."

"Backfired." His son's face darkened. "She's worked so hard my entire life, at times, I felt guilty. She's too smart to be bartending in strip clubs during the night and in retail or whatever else she could get her hands on during the day. "

"I'm sorry kid. Best I can do is promise you she will never have to do that again."

Leo sighs. I like his attitude toward Jilly. He's protective, and considerate, the way a good son should be. I learned that from watching Gemma and Jax. 'Cause my example was piss poor, to say the least.

"How about we take a seat kid. I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I do as well." We sat down side by side, and I got to know my son.

"You don't do anything by halves, do you?" Dad asks.

"Might as well get it all out of the way. Leo's been a secret long enough. I won't ask him to hide himself for any longer," I say watching Jilly and Leo talk on the back porch as they wait for me to break the news to the kids.

"I'm proud of the way you're handling this."

"How'd you know this is what I needed, Pop?"

"That girl always had a way of getting you to pull your head out of your ass. I loved Donna. But she had no love for this club. Jilly was always different. Let her help you ease Leo into our world and help with the kids."

"You playing matchmaker, old man?" I ask with a scowl. "Donna's barely cold—

"One thing we both know is life is short and fleeting. She's not some new piece of ass that's come on the scene. Look at me and tell me you haven't carried her in your heart and your mind all these years."

I shake my head. "You know I can't."

"Eventually, you'll have to give her reason to stay if that's what your aiming for."

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Pop. Last thing I need to worry about is a relationship."

"Maybe not, but staying out all hours, sleeping with those crow eaters, and living on the road has to stop. You had your time to mourn and get your head right. Those kids need you and Mary told me she's done caring for him."

"What?"

"Yeah, said she was done parenting years ago. She's not going to start back up now."

"Fucking figures," I mumble shaking my head.

"Those are your kids. All three of them. It's time for you to step up and be the Father they deserve."

"Yeah, I hear you Pop."

"Good, 'cause here comes your bitch of a mother now."

I chock on my laughter. There's no love lost between the two of them, and at this point, their bickering is legendary and amusing.

I crack my neck and my knuckles as she pulls into the driveway, and the kids climb out. I open the front door and kneel relishing the feel of their bodies as they hug me tight.

"I missed you guys," I say.

"We missed you too Daddy," Kenny says.

Ellie pulls away and studies me carefully. "Are you here to stay, Dad?"

"Yes, Daddy had some things to work out. I'm sorry I left you two like that, but I didn't want my anger to spill over onto you. I couldn't be the parent I needed to be then. I can now."

She seemed to accept the answer as she returns my hug. She's a lot like Donna. You had to show her in order for her to believe you. Words do little. I'd hurt her badly when I went away to prison. Kenny was too little to remember anything else. Reconnecting with him was easier in many ways for that reason. I'd just gotten Ellie back when Donna was killed. Now I'm back at ground zero.

Well stand, and I lead them to the couch.

"Dad has something he wants to talk to you about," I say.

"What, Daddy?" Kenny asked, cheerfully.

The distrust in Ellie's eyes slays me.

"Before I was with your mom. I had another girlfriend. You've asked me about her before. She's in some of the older pictures with me and Uncle Jax. Her name was Jilly"

"She was black, right Daddy? Because you taught us it's all about what the person's like on the inside, not the outside." Ellie whispers softly.

I grin. "That's right. Well. I just found out, that Daddy and Jilly had a baby."

They both gasp.

"Just now?" Ellie asked." The anger in her eyes was all me.

"No baby, before Mommy and Daddy were together. A boy named Leo, he's sixteen now."

"So- we have a brother?" Kenny asks

I nod. "That's right."

Ellie jumped off the couch. "Why?"

"Because Daddy wasn't as careful as he should be—

"No, why is she telling you now?" Ellie says.

"Because Pop asked her too. They've kept in contact. She raised Leo by herself because he wanted Mommy and Daddy to be happy."

"But he didn't have a Dad," Ellie whispered. The sadness in her eyes speaks to Donna's gentle temperament. She did such a good job with our children.

"I know. But we know sometimes we make sacrifice for those we love. She thought this was best for all of us."

Ellie shook her head. "I know this is a lot to take in, but I don't want you to try to keep an open mind. They just came to Charming and they want to get to know us. Jilly was once my best friend, like Uncle Jax long before we dated, and she's going to pitch in while she's here.

"She's staying here?" Ellie says.

"I'd like her to. I'd like to blend our families. We want you guys to be close. We've lost enough recently. I figured gaining a brother would be a good thing."

Ellie's face flushes.

"I'm just asking you to give it a go, Ellie."

"Okay, Dad," she says softly.

I hug her close to his side. "There's my girl. I'll go have them come in now," I say knowing we're precariously balanced on a ledge. With a little luck and a lot of patience, we might make it through. "You two stay here."

I move from the couch quickly , before they can change their minds. Kenny's more like his old man. He'll study everyone and take it all in before he decides how he feels.

"I ain't heard screaming of things slamming, so I'm guessing they took it okay," Pop says when I step out back.

"As well as it could I suppose. You two ready to come in?" I ask.

Jilly nods. I watch her rub Leo's back before they stand up and smile. It's clear they both adore each other. I led them inside.

"Kenny, Ellie, this is your brother, Leo, and his mother Jilly."

I hold my breath and watch as the children study one another. Their two halves of the same coin. Light and Dark, old and young, brunette, and red-haired. But I can see the similarities, especially with the boys. Jilly smiled.

"Hi guys, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hi, Ms…

"Jilly will be just fine I think," she said.

"Hi, Ms. Jilly," Kenny and Ellie said in the polite way drilled into them since birth.

'Hi, I uh-guess I'm your big brother," Leo said with a silly smile.

My heart lightens. I have my entire family under one roof, and no one's dead yet. I'm counting it as a win.


	10. Chapter 10

Bringing it to the table

By

Shyla Colt

Playlist

Coming Home: Diddy

Yellow: Coldplay

By your Side: Sade

Demons: Imagine Dragons

Float on: Modest Mouse

A/n: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your words are encouraging and appreciated. This is the first time in too long I've been excited about writing. The break has worked wonders!

JILLY

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was about to piss my pants right now. I knew this moment would come. Everything that affects a member of Sons is brought to the table. I'm not sure how I'll be received. What I do know is this, Clay doesn't fuck around. He's shrewd and calculated. I recognized it in him after dealing with my father who's ambition and self-importance came first. Clay feigns niceness, but a woman who interferes with club business isn't tolerated. That's Old Lady 101.

It's why I'm over here putting my ass on the line to have coffee with the Queen first. My palms sweat as I pull up outside of Teller-Morrow. I park the rental and step out. I can feel eyes on me. Ignoring their penetrating gazes, I hold my head high and strut my stuff through the lot toward the office.

I made a special trip to the store for this occasion. So, I know I'm flawless in a pair of skinny jeans, a black tank top that shows my cleavage, and knee-high boots with a heel. Aviators obscure my eyes from view, and my hair tumbles down around my shoulders in tamed waves that took me hours to get just right. Today my make-up is biker chic with red lips and perfect pin-up eyebrows paired with cat eyeliner.

I barely recognized myself when I left the house. From the triple take Leo did, I think he felt the same. I usually went with a more laid back aesthetic when I was off the clock. My heels clicked on the hard surface as I entered the shop.

"Can I help you?" A smooth masculine voice asked.

I didn't recognize the brown-skinned man with the Mohawk and tattoos running down the side. He was adorable in a way that put him at odds with the rest of the crew. _I wonder what his story is._

"I'm here to see, Gemma, thanks," I say bypassing him as I walk to the office and knock, hovering in the doorway as I take her in. The years have been kind. Her face is a little more mature, but her hair is on point, as is the make-up, hiding lines and wear and tear.

"Can I help you?" Gemma asks, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips.

I step inside, close the door behind me and push the shades up into my hair. "God, I hope so."

"Holy shit, Jillian?" She whispers. I nod. "Opie know you're here?"

"And Pops," I say.

"Well damn. If you aint a blast from the past. I can only assume you're not here to stroll down memory lane."

I shake my head. "More like unearth family secrets. This is going to be common club knowledge soon, but I knew you'd skin me alive if I let you walk into the situation blind."

"I'm not liking the sound of this shit at all."

"I brought Opie's son with me."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Jesus Christ."

"Yeah."

"He knows?"

"They met. They're working on their situation. There's no animosity, except what he feels toward me. I never spun this shit against him. I let Leo know up front this was my choice and one day I knew I'd have to pay for it."

"Did you know this when you left?" Gemma asked.

"I knew. It was a motivator. You remember those days? Brown wasn't a good color to have hanging around, and pregnant it wasn't about me and what I wanted anymore. Plus. I felt at the time; Donna was a better fit for him."

"You were wrong there, baby girl. She never had the love for us she needed, God rest her soul. I admire your determination to protect your child at all cost. I understand that," she said.

"Can't go back. I can only go forward."

"Why show up now? You coming to collect on his cash and hoping to profit from his grief?"

"Fuck you, I'm the reasons he's back in his house right now trying to parent his children. Piney brought me in. We've been in touch this entire time."

"That old bastard. Figures he'd be in on this," Gemma said pulling out a cigarette. "Take a walk with me."

 _And here comes the interrogation._

I follow her out, thankful she didn't tear me down with her dagger sharp tongue and rip me a new asshole. We always understood one another, though. I got what it meant to be an Old Lady and I was willing to put things first that needed to be. I never had a love for the drama and lies the way she did. There was always something slightly artificial about her. I wouldn't do _whatever_ it took to survive at the cost of my own soul. I couldn't help but smirk at the curious gazes we received.

"Brown still a rare color around here, huh?" I ask.

"Well, we have, Juice now."

"I'm sorry who?" I said wondering what the hell he'd done to earn that title.

She laughed. "The baby-faced Puerto Rican with the head tats."

"Aaah, so he's not a prospect."

She barked a laugh. " No, not that you can tell half the time. You knew how it being the new guy on the block."

I nod my head. I'd been around to see some of the initiation processes.

"Only reason I didn't throw you out on your ass when you came in is because I liked you. You had guts, understood loyalty, and honesty. You were a good fit for Op. He needed that grounding force, and you had claws. I'm a woman who can appreciate that. You don't make it out alive in this life without that toughness. What's your plan here kid?"

I shake my head. "Hell if I know."

"You better figure it out quick. You want him?" I glance down at the ground and shrug. ""So that's a yes. You'd be good for him. He's been lost since this shit with Donna. You getting him home says a lot. No one else could do that. Even Jackson. Sit," She said as she sank onto the bench.

My head lifts at her words. "I'll give you the speech. You fuck him over, and I'll bury you. That boy's been through enough heartache to last a lifetime. If you're going to stick around, stake your claim and step up. Mary doesn't need to fuck up a new generation and Piney's too damn old and sick to play full-time parent."

"I get it."

"Good. If you're all in, I'll back you."

"Just like that?" I asked shocked.

She laughed. "Oh don't mistake me, if you fuck up, I'll rip your heart out and feed it to you. But you never been stupid. Not even back then. You look well. You're not strung out, or begging for anything, and Piney approved of you. I got respect for that. You fucked up not bringing his boy around sooner."

"Yeah. I didn't think he and Donna could handle the blow. Especially not after he went in." I shook my head. I thought about writing him a million times doing those years he did inside.

"Make it right then. No half in, half out shit. You relocate and dedicate, or don't cause a stir and slink back to whatever hole you crawled out of."

The answer was easy. I was back in it up to my neck. I couldn't leave Opie the way he was now. He needed a firm hand, and those kids deserved someone who was in it for the long run, and not completely fucked up. Mary would ruin them over time and sour them towards the family that would lay down their life to protect them.

I sighed and tilted my head back to stare up at the sky. I never really loved Arizona anyway. I had no real friends to speak of. It was such a transient space with people constantly coming and going, and I'd been too busy raising Leo. It was the perfect storm for loneliness. Not that I allowed myself to be idle long enough to think on it too much.

"What will I do here?" I asked, not content to

"We'll find you something," Gemma said with a smirk. _She knows I'm going to stay, the bitch._

I sigh and nod. I'm staying the way I should have seventeen years ago. I can't go back in time, but I can set things straight.

"Well, welcome back to the family. Now you better get your ass out of here before Clay rolls in and starts asking questions. I assume you're leaving that to your man?"

I nod. "Yeap. I'm ghost now."

"It's been interesting," Gemma says as she watches me leave.

It went better than I expected, but I never had quarrel with Gemma. I got where she was coming from, and envied that primal love she held for her child and extended family. I had no doubt, she'd slit someone's throat if it meant keeping either of those two things safe. It was foreign to me. My family's love came with conditions. You could fall out of favor at the drop of a hat. It was a way to control, manipulate, and shame. I made me way to the car unsure if this was the _right_ decision, but positive it was the only one I could make and live with myself. Leo deserved to get a chance to know his father and everything that came with him without feeling he had to divide his loyalties.

The house was in no way, shape, or form calm. Elle resented my presence as much as she was fascinated by Leo and the concept of having an older brother. Kenny was torn between his loyalty to his sister, the memory of his mother, and the desire to be nurtured. Opie wasn't oblivious to the issues. I just didn't think he knew what to do about them, or us. We navigated the rocky waters of the house with curious glancing, painful politeness, and too much silence. I climbed into the car making plans for what needed to happen next. I had to resign, collect my checks, move out of our place, and transfer our money. _Holy shit I'm actually going to do this._ My hands shook as I pulled into the driveway. Opie had taken the kids to school today per my request, which gave me enough time to see Gemma and get out before he was there to intervene. He'd be bringing everything to the table tonight at church. I'd resigned myself to hoping for the best, but expecting the worse to cover all my bases.

Being in Donna's home was hard. It was like a living tribute. Their pictures covered the walls, rested on tables, and nightstands. It was too soon to make changes, but her eyes seemed to follow me everywhere. I rested my head on the steering wheel in the driveway, reluctant to go inside. _Where do I belong in all of this?_ Every day I ate a table, slept in a bed, and sat on a couch picked out by the woman I'd once lost the love of my life to. _I need to suck it up. I didn't put up the fight then, so I damn sure better now. This is my time for redemption._

The rumble of a bike had me sitting up straight. Opie pulled up beside me in the drive. The concern in his hazel eyes, and the frown on his lips twisted my guts. He gestured for me to roll down the window and I obliged.

"What are you doing sitting here in the driveway?"

"I just got back from running an errand."

He paused. "You don't look right."

"Overwhelmed. I'll be fine."

"I know you well enough to know fine never means fine, Jilly."

I waved him off. Now was not the time for a heart to heart.

"Are we going to talk about what the hell we're doing?" he asked bluntly.

I blinked, shocked by his sudden change of heart. A week ago he wasn't sure if he wanted to fuck me or wring my neck. I'd been trying to give him time to digest everything.

"Maybe when I figure it out."

"That's a bullshit answer and you know it. I've hurt my kids more than any father should. I need to give them stability."

"You asking me to stay?" I whisper, afraid to hope.

"I'm asking if that's what you plan on doing."

"No. I 'm not doing a round robin with you. Either you want me here or you don't. "  
"it's not that simple—

"Why not?"

"Because I have a lot of different shit going on when it comes to you."

"I understand that. All I'm asking you right now is if you want me around."

"Fuck, Jilly, of course I do. I will always want you. If it's what best for either of us, I don't know. Maybe that's what we need to find out, but my kids they have to come first. If you're going to be here. You have to commit to them too. Even if we don't pan out you can't disappear."

I was proud of him right now. This was a man being a father.

"They're Leo's forever family. I wouldn't do anything to hurt them."

He gave a nod. "I need to get in to work."

"Go," I whispered feeling like we'd just jumped a massive hurdle.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

To the Table

Playlist:

Hush: Hell Yeah

Stressed out: Twenty-One Pilots

A/N:

The past Haunts Chapter 11

Hey guys .first off thank you for all your continued support I'm sorry my updates aren't as frequent as I'd like them to be. I writer for a living and deadlines are a serious bitch. I'm still invested in this story. I'm going to try to post more frequently.

I wanted to give Opie a happy ending, and I really wanted to see more curvy brown gals represented, partially because I am one, and partially because as a writer my mission is to help diversify romance.

ItsLiz. Lol I didn't realize I outed myself. Yeap, that's me, and wow you've heard of me? Freaking small world. Thank you so much for your kind words and support in my original work and fanfiction.

Opie

Nervous doesn't begin to cover the way I fill as I nurse a beer at the bar and wait for the time to tick down for church. I'm bringing Jill and Leo to the table, and I'm not sure what the reaction will be. Everyone's so skittish and distrusting. Her reappearance is bad timing. _Pop will vouch for her, though._ As my best friend, I know Jax will too. The rest are anyone's guess.

"You doing okay, man?" Jax asks.

"Nervous. Shit is tense at the house. Ellie is giving Jill hell. Poor Kenny's torn between loyalty his sister and Donna, and the motherly affection and influence he craves and Jill doles out freely."

"It's a tough place to be in. How're they with Leo?"

"They love him. Feelings mutual too. The kid is amazing." I smile thinking of the kindhearted, intelligent young man I'm still getting to know a bit more each day. "I hate how many years I've lost with him. It's why I want to bring this out into the open. No more hiding. I'm proud to be his dad, and Jill deserves a break."

"What's going on there?" Jax asks.

I shake my head. "Hell if I know. The attraction is there. She's still sexy as fuck, and I'm not dead. We live in a small space."

"So what's the problem? Donna would've wanted you to be happy, and the kids need a stable female figure. Mary was a nightmare, and we both know Piney isn't up to raising them full time."

"I know." I sigh. My temples throb. These days I feel like I'm in an obstacle course. The minute I get past one problem, another is lurking just ahead, even more challenging.

"Once this shit gets cleared up the club can help," Jax says.

"Yeah? How? You got a how-to guide to fix this Maury Povich scenario I'm living?"

"Naw, dealing with that spitfire you have is on you. We can help with whatever you need monetarily. Bigger house. Counseling. We're there for you brother. I'm there."

I take another drink. The club and Pop have picked up my slack for long enough. It's time I get my ass in gear and be the man Donna thought I was when she married me. Bailing on my kids the way I did is embarrassing, but it was too much. I'd just reconnected with her and the kids before our world was ripped apart with bullets meant for me. A better man would've sent Jill and Leo away to keep them safe, but I'm weak and honest enough to know I need her.

She was always my rock, and she's slipped back into the role seamlessly.

"How's Jilly Bean handling everything?"

"Like a fucking champ. She takes Ellie's shit up to a point before she shuts her down gently if she crosses over into disrespectful territory. We're working on her. But really, her mom just died, so, of course, she's angry, confused, and bitter." I sigh. "You add that onto the fact that she's rolling into her preteens, and I'm in estrogen hell man."

Jax snorts. "Glad I got a boy."

"Yeah, the way you and Tara go at it, that could change soon enough."

Jax laughs. "Can't argue with that."

Clay walks in, and I sit up straighter.

"Church boys, playtime later," he calls.

Chairs scrape across the floor and women scoff as they're pushed aside. I walk in and take a seat, hoping I'm not about to get my ass chewed out and handed back to me.

I drift through the meeting. Not much has changed. I nod at the appropriate places and keep my facial expression stoic.

"So now that we've finished official business. Anyone want to speak?" Clay asks.

"Yeah. I got some changes in my house. The kids are back home, and I have someone helping me out. She's a friend of Samcro, but it's been awhile since she's been around and she- uh. Surprised me recently."

Jax clears his throat to cover up his choked laughter.

"You going to tell us who this mystery woman is?" Clay asks.

"My ex-girlfriend, Jillian. We have a boy together, Leo, who's sixteen now."

"Holy shit. What? Damn." Voices blend and blur. Clay's jaw drops, and his eyes nearly bug out of his head.

"We talking bout that chocolate dime piece with the nice rack?" Clay asks holding out his hands.

"Yeah, that's the one." I grind my teeth together to keep from snapping at him.

"Shit. You sure it's yours?" Clay asks.

'I am," Piney says.

"You been keeping secrets, old man?" Clay asks.

"She didn't want to cause undue drama. My boy and Donna were happy, and we were nearing the end of the war. Wasn't safe for her and the boy to come back when he was firstborn. After we got everything under control, too much time had passed."

"You're vouching for this gash?" Clay asks.

"Not a gash. She's a good girl who's worked hard to take care of my grandson. I'm the one who called her here. Opie needed help and she needed to come clean," Pop booms.

His defense makes me smile.

"Damn, look at you matchmaking," Clay says with a shake of his head. " I want her checked out thoroughly. If she's clean, then it's your business what you do, brother. Bring her around for the next family dinner so Gemma doesn't have my balls on a platter."

"I can do that."

"Jesus Opie. You must have some potent sperm. You had three before you hit twenty-five," Chibs says.

"Looks like," I agree. I like Chibs. He was kind to Jill, and he's great with kids. I want his support. I know Clay well enough to know what he says is all surface. If he see's something about Jillian's past he doesn't like he'll poke and proud behind the scenes. I see why he pisses Jax off. He's got an air of insincerity about him.

He knows his time to reign is coming to an end, and he's not about to go quietly. I usually keep my head down and do my part, but the shit with Donna opened my eyes in a major way. I'll be six feet under before I let anything else happen to my family because of Samcro or otherwise. I chose this life and brought them into it. I need to make good on my promise to Donna that I'll keep them safe. _I know I failed you, but I sure as hell won't do the same with them._

"It's pretty fucked up that she kept it from you," Juice says.

"I'm not happy about it. But I get where she's coming from," I say.

"Things were real ugly back then. Not a place for brown to be hanging out. That girl had been through enough as it was," Tig says.

I see Juices eyes grow wide. It's not every day that Tig has anything nice to say for a woman who isn't Gemma.

"What happened to her?" Juice asks.

"She got into some trouble with a Mayan," I say quietly staring him down. Last thing I want to do tonight is go back down memory lane.

"She was always down for the club. I don't anticipate you finding anything funny on her, but I got to check," Clay says.

He's being nice and trying to save face. After the shit with Donna. I know how the games played. I glance over at my Dad and see his slight nod. I'll go with it.

"I understand," I say.

"Anything other bombs you want to drop on us?" Bobby asks.

"No, I don't want to steal your spot for secrets kids and ex-wives," I drawl.

The brothers laugh, and the tensions breaks. We finish up the meeting, and I walked out lighter than I'd been a week ago. Now we could stop being cloistered in the home bursting at the seams.

"You hanging around?" Jax asks.

"Naw man, I need to get back to my family."

"Is Jilly included in that?"

I tilt my head. "Why you riding me so hard about this?"

"Cause if you don't declare her off limits I can count five brothers that will be all over her like that." He snaps his fingers.

I clench my jaw. "Over my dead body."

"Make sure you tell them that, and you might want to run it by Jilly 'cause she's not the type to just accept shit because someone says so."

I massage my head through my beanie. "Yeah, you're right on that." We've been going through the motions the past few weeks. It's time we sit down and have a hard conversation.

"Good luck."

Jax pats my shoulder and flick him off as I stroll out of the club house ignoring the Croweaters trying to catch my eye. There's nothing they have to offer I want.


End file.
